29 October (Reframing Loneliness)

This is not going to be the first time I'm going to be lonely. I should re-frame this and try to conquer loneliness so in future I don't fall into this pit again.
And as with depression, I know that when I'm alright I can't relate to it.
So first things first.
Apoorva is a problem. She basically said she used to me and moved on to my face. And accused me of guilt tripping her.
I mean yeah the only reason I helped her is because I wanted to get closer to her. But this did not work.

I worry that I could have gotten more. I wanted to be with her. Go places or movies with her. 

I can still do all of those but without her. 

I think I can reach out to other friends like Aswin, Rakesh, Pruthvi, Vinay etc.

I mean the only reason I like her is because she's a girl and I got attached to her because of ICPC and the way she texted me nicely.

What do I do now? Things I have to do, prepare for Palantir, Siemens internship work. 

Am I better off without her? I'm sure I can get her if I wanted it bad enough, at least I'm that clever and manipulative.

My animal side says get her. But that's understandable cuz it wants a woman. 
What does my rational side say?
I am sad. 

I mean is she worth it? No. 
Ok fuck this shit why am I sad?

I wanted her to be a close friend.
Or I wanted a close friend. Anyone.

I do have a close friend. Vishwa.

I talked to Siddhanth and it felt good.