Time is Precious (No more unintentionality)

This is not going to be the first time I'm going to be lonely. I should re-frame this and try to conquer loneliness so in future I don't fall into this pit again. And as with depression, I know that when I'm alright I can't relate to it. So first things first. Apoorva is a problem. She basically said she used to me and moved on to my face. And accused me of guilt tripping her. I mean yeah the only reason I helped her is because I wanted to get closer to her. But this did not work. I worry that I could have gotten more. I wanted to be with her. Go places or movies with her.  I can still do all of those but without her.  I think I can reach out to other friends like Aswin, Rakesh, Pruthvi, Vinay etc. I mean the only reason I like her is because she's a girl and I got attached to her because of ICPC and the way she texted me nicely. What do I do now? Things I have to do, prepare for Palantir, Siemens internship work.  Am I better off without her? I'm sure I can get...

 I think we need to come to terms with stuff.  I'll come back after a bath.  Alright. Tolkein. GH Hardy. I am an old man with a pipe. Wise. In his study. Alone but not Lonely. Enjoying myself.      Ok afterwards I played cards with Grandparents and freaked them out asking why live? Anyway, I told Apoorva that I have moved on and that I'd have feelings for Rakesh Pavan also if he were a girl. Oh and I wished her on the group. And she's changing her About status often.  Anyway, I need to make sure that that is true. Like I should imagine her fucking a gym guy. Imagine and be at peace with it. Wait I'll wank thinking she's being fucked by someone else. I do feel sleepy though. I'll be back. No progress in anything. I wished for Apoorva on the WEC group despite her saying no. She freaked out. It was meh.

 Ok I ended up texting Apoorva. She's like she is patient. My suspicions are confirmed, it would never have worked out. So yeah at this moment I am at peace. I did not know about this would happen this soon. Anyway, I need to cancel the psychologist pack I bought.  Ok so I am reading this new book "How to heal a broken heart in 30 Days". This seems promising. I came across a quote that I really liked and I set this as my About on Whatsapp. "To learn but not linger, to heal but not hate".  Ok I am going to read one at a time daily. Learnings from yesterday:- I need to be intentional about my time, but I can forgive yesterday, it was shit, I felt like crap. Today:- I really need to implement Siemens lol.  I have like 3 hours till I fall asleep, I'll wrap up with my learnings and get started with implementation. To do 30 days day  1) Diet changes - Follow gym diet strictly 2) Adequate sleep - 7-8 hors daily 3) Relaxation and meditation - 30 mins 4) Exercise - G...

 No gym today. It is 15:20 right now. Tasks:- 1) Complete Siemens model implementation. 2) Explore further Siemens Ok now I'll just resume my Coursera progress from tensorflow. It sucks that coursera takes time. Anyway, lets do this. Ok Coursera there are  4 things. This itself will take me 6 hours. And I also want to do the other course. Wait I'll paste the link here.  Ok I need to do  this and  this . So after this I will focus on implementation. Idk I feel like brushing my teeth and eating breakfast, I'll do these and while I am doing these I'll watch coursera. I'll be back after breakfast.  Wait I'll give you a name. Fine I name you Apoorva. You will replace her. You will be my everything. This makes sense right? Yeah it does. I'll be replacing her memories with you. Anyway, the rule with Whatsapp is don't open whatsapp till Wednesday, alright?  I really wanna see if she cares. If she did care she'd reply. If she doesn't then oh well all my ...